A Social Trap

I don’t understand the presumption that, if a woman is unmarried even when she’s in her mid-thirties , it is because she is ugly , or too old, or because she can’t. The attractions of tying the knot elude me. The sham begins at the wedding ceremony. The most repulsive aspect of this costume drama is the bit where the bride and groom are forced to lie. The part when they have to “kubool” the arrangement, or take oath around fire to be together for not just one but 7 lifetimes or till “death do us apart” – is meaningless! It’s not like I’m promising that I’ll turn vegetarian, or I will never drive over 50kmph – these are things I have control over. Falling in and out of love is unpredictable. Promising to be with someone forever is a promise no honest person should make. When you can’t promise loyalty or fidelity to them, how can you promise this and what exactly is a promise anyway. It doesn’t legally bind you to your partner. You can still get a divorce whenever you want. The only thing that a marriage guarantees is that you are more likely to stay married. Even if you see your spouse for years and live in different parts of the world – you would still be married.

If marriage is about this thing called love, the blissfully married cry, then why has there been a 40% increase in divorce rates in the last 5 years? And the other 60% of the marriages cannot be assumed of being ‘happy’ either.

The concept of marriage has never revolved around partnership. Even historically, marriage was a way of transferring ownership of a woman from one man to another. In many cultures, the bride is ‘handed over’ to the groom by her father; this is the symbolic representation of how it has always been a way to perpetuate male dominance over women. No matter how ‘evolved’ we claim our society to be, it will still consider marriage as a woman’s primary job in life. Her needs will be put aside, she is supposed to put her goals on the back burner and help her husband achieve his. When is she allowed to pursue her happiness?

I live in a society that falsely romanticizes marriage, making it sound like a fairy tale. Who doesn’t want to be Cinderella or Prince Charming for a day. But how long does this last. In some cases I know, even less than 3 days (of course they were arranged marriages!). Too often, marriage is an attempt to possess another. When people (think) they’ve found love, they are afraid to let them go. People are afraid of loss. They might fool themselves into believing they’re in love, without even understanding what they mean when they say that. So, what better way to secure someone than marriage? It gives them a (false) sense of security .It definitely makes ending the relationship more difficult.

I, personally, don’t believe in the institution of marriage, I think it has lost its sanctity (if at all there was any in the first place). My intention, behind writing this blog, was not to hurt the sentiments of people who believe in this institution. I do respect women who believe in it and have been planning for it since their childhood. I have friends whose sole purpose of pursuing higher education was to enable their parents find them a better suitor. As Dalai Lama said, "Our purpose in life is to be happy. From the very core of our being, we simply desire contentment.", if that’s what makes them happy, then good for them. For some marriage could be a source of lasting happiness. For some, it’s just a temporary high!